Buried Myself Alive
by Corpse In Bright Clothing
Summary: - so I could shut you out, and let you go away for a long time. Slight AR. Daniel knew his father loved him, that he himself cared as well, and the pain of these realizations made him miss the hole his questioning thoughts had dug him out of.


"Well then go!" And so he went. Not yet imagining that would have been the last thing his father said to him. Although it would have been if he had his way, wishing then to never see his father again.

Daniel figured he should have been dead three times over already. He lay in a hospital bed, detoxified and inexplicably alive. Daniel held the knowledge his father and the Jigsaw Killer had gone missing, and the memory of the man he killed. And the others.

Sure, Daniel had been acting out, even committing petty crimes, perhaps to spite his father the honored Detective Matthews, but he never imagined he would be responsible for something as serious as manslaughter. How ironic that if Jigsaw had aimed to prevent Daniel from becoming a criminal by putting him in a house full of them - an embezzler, an arsonist, a kleptomaniac, a gangster, a prostitute, a somewhat suicidal junkie and, last but not least, a sociopathic drug dealer - had had made him like them.

However, Daniel suffered no legal consequences, as there was even video proof he had cut Xavier's throat in self-defense; no, Daniel's father the detective was the one either dead as the drug dealer, or the prisoner of Jigsaw.

When thinking of his father, Daniel was often deciding whether he cared if he was found. He said he hadn't wanted to spend time with him, that his father hadn't wanted him either. He told himself he hated his father, argued that they had neither ever cared for each other. Then, he remembered those ever-elusive good moments between them, and the anger, frustration to find him that came muffled in shouts through the safe he was boxed in. Daniel knew his father loved him, that he himself cared as well, and the pain of these realizations made him miss the hole his questioning thoughts had dug him out of. Now instead of agonizing only over what might have happened to Amanda, he no longer stopped himself from wondering where his dad was, if he was dead by now, and how he might react if he was found alive, if he would go back to not caring.

Daniel didn't know if the authorities had advised it or if his mother had made the decision on her own, but after a while they moved. Both of them became reclusive, even from each other. His mom took to more severe alcoholism than before, and eventually she was hospitalized after causing a car accident. Seventeen, Daniel drove himself to see her often, but he spent most of his time alone at their place.

Daniel kept up his mother's habit of watching the news every day, although he didn't see what was the point of it. He had always hated it for all the news being nothing but tragedy, of which he didn't feel he needed more. But now the stories of kidnapped children and people found dead were harder listening. Daniel didn't know why he kept watching, until the day the breaking story told of a detective who, along with a man considered to be a serial killer, had disappeared six months earlier only to be found alive, escaping a deadly game along with a fellow detective, a SWAT sergeant, and a lawyer. Because the news was of his concern, Daniel now understood the why behind every story being shown.

And this time there was no question in him as he sat crying.

Soon enough Daniel caught a flight. He stayed with someone who was now less than a friend but more than glad to house him under the circumstances.

Detective Matthews was allowed visitors at the hospital after a while. "Daniel," he sighed, and they embraced. He asked, and Daniel said he'd been doing fine. However, Daniel shied from asking the same question, not sure he wanted to hear, not sure his father wanted to tell. A few somewhat uneasy moments later and the next visitor entered. "Daniel."

"Hey Matthews, it's good to see you're doing well. I have some bad news, though. It's Kerry; she was found in a rigged Jigsaw trap - the same day you were freed, actually. We wanted to give you time to recover before we told you; we know you've been through a lot. I'll ... leave you with your son." Sergeant Rigg waved slightly and left.

Daniel grew a little angry, and his father wiped his own tears when Daniel asked, "What _was _she to you?"

At first he didn't want to give an answer, and Daniel rolled his head, but Eric finally chuckled dryly and said, "She was a lot of things, not all of them good."

Daniel nodded understanding and returned to being pensive. His dad rubbed his shoulder.

"Hey kiddo. How's mom been?"


End file.
